to medicate or not to medicate...

this is the question... there seems to be some interest in me at work lately, leaning towards a full time staff position... which would be awesome, however i also think it would require me to be medicated, which isnt necessarily a bad thing it just kind of feels like a defeat... dont ask me why for the past 20 years it feels like whenever i'm on it i've been beaten to the point where i have no choice in the matter and regardless i have little to no choice in the matter...

spoke wih mom about it tonight and she's of the school of thought that i should, no suprise there but she also said she worries about me less because she knows it helps and works for me, when i take it and i'm not a non compliant paitent as she so termed it... she also said that my cousin was recently diagnosed as bipolar as well... it actually kinda makes me feel better, sucks for her but not i dont know like it makes me feel better like i'm not the lone crazy in the family but then again it still sucks because i know what its like... and we are not the type of family to discuss such matters so i couldnt like even talk to her i dont think.. weird..

so i have the names of some psychiatrists who have more accomodating hours and i know i should give it a whirl again but i dont feel crappy right now... next week may be another story but right now i'm fine... i'm a horrible paitent arent i?