crap

today was a crappy monday, weather and just in general.. forgot my ipod so it was too quiet at work... kinda officially started my new project and now i'm kinda anxious about it because its like all me... and while this is what i like i'm i dunno... plus its like i'm back to "normal" kinda blah blah whatever, not terribly depressed but not happy either...

i still kinda want this to just be all in my head and i can just like somehow decide to just be normal...

and i spoke with erica tonight, she's playing softball with a work league, i'm kinda jealous, but i'll be realistic i'm not of a size where i should be playing softball again now am i?