Still Saturday Right?

yup, yes it is... i actually feel better today with the exception of my still sore throat, headache and fever are gone, yippee... so glad Erica was wrong about a week but that could be the throat and not the overall shitty feelingness of it

anyway, as i was making dinner i realized that i have 13 days to do the one thing i loathe more than anything else work related, performance reviews... i hate them, i cannot express enough how much i hate them... they're a waste... if you want to evaluate me do it your damn self.. i hate them hate hate hate... ugh hate... HATE... self assessments are terrible, i dont want to do them, what do i say, hey yup i did my job, yup even though i'm assigned to a boat load of extra crap nobody else is my job still got done, though IMO it would have been done more efficently if those other things werent in play, but you know what can i do about it?

i just smudged my glasses, grrr... does anyone else hate when they do that? like i've been wearing glasses daily for like umm 25 years or so, maybe 23... hate that, then again i bit my tongue last week and i've had a tongue for 36 years so... eh

anyway... aubrey posted a pic of her and the kids at the zoo... she has little humans, fully formed little humans who can carry a conversation, granted they're still in school but fully formed nonetheless. Like they walk talk think etc... anyway i still havent spoken to an actual person since i got back on Thursday? no Wednesday... yeah wednesday... anyway what does that say about me? it says i'm super super terrific at not letting people in, and also pushing them away... this should be a super power, no it is my super power.... a friend posted a link to an article on the mighty about wishing to tell more people about your mental illness... and while I agree with some of it, most of it, i dont think i can do it... people know, some, but how do you choose? trust if you hadnt noticed isnt high in my skill set... also from there i stumbled upon to a sort of new years resolution list for mental illness... and its pretty good... 5-9 are anyway, the rest are meh

so... what if i start using this not just for a place to vent out thoughts or feelings or whatever is occupying my brain for an inordinate amount of time or urgency? what if i used it more often for whatever instead of just crap? what if.... we shall see... i dont have group for another week since she's out but maybe... also i have not yet broken into my work email, which i swear is a record....

one last thing, im kinda glad i got sick, knocked me back to somewhere closer to normal slightly above actually depressed... you know where i usually spend my time..