Back to reality

The weekend's over and its back to the grind tomorrow morning... I've got a twinge of anxiety about it.... today its like I finally wound down... like three days away from people was good, bu now i'm going back and there will be people and I still want to be alone, at least to some extent... never got to the movies but its not really the point right? I think about the things to do, i got the tickets to TX today, good deal on the sale fares... paid like $50 more for 3x upgraded seats than i would have paid had i got regular economy seats last week... thing is i'm not excited about anything... and there's this whole realization (somewhat) of the infinince of time and the minuscule period of it that I and everyone else exists in and also the finality and the uncertainty of death... its weird.. i'm curious about things i'll never experience, like the past and the future, but regardless of when or how i go its unlikely i'll ever experience any of it, because consciousness is such a seemingly anomalous thing.. i mean it cant be given the vastness of the universe, but in this little corner at least it seems to be... an what if we're the 'first child' so to speak... what is it all? its so much work to live, and yet its not its just routine, physically its all the same... even the fact that i've gained back everything i've lost... and that my experience will never be that of an average sized person or even an average person with friends and socializations and other typical trappings of society.... so why am i still here? the chaos of it all its so unpredictable