just need to write it out

so.. erica had ryder yesterday... and i'm hurt.... why you ask? well nobody told me when he was born... apparently i was left off of a text message...my uncle posted a picture of him on facebook before i knew and i waited to see if anyone would say anything... they didnt... this moring mom sent a text to keep him in your prayers since he's in the nicu with a rapid heartbeat... and yeah i get its chaotic having a baby and espeically when its not as planned, but i cant shake the fact that i feel ike i was intentionally left out... like i KNOW thats not the case right? can't be... and then again i cant shake it...

i basically heard nothing and since nobody told me i assumed nobody told dad and when erica finally replied o me it was i dunno annoyance that i told her i texted dad ... i dont know if i want to go in july anymore... i dont know if i can or if i should.... i'm a horrible person....