This is what happens the end of the year

Everything needs to be let out... I was okay by the time monday rolled around, it was good that it was busy back to back meetings will do that... and group was good it was more a social session than anything its good to have those every once and a while.. I have tomorrow off, home depot never called about the garage door opener, and there's probably over 2" of snow on the ground by now could be more, not sure when it stopped snowing or if its stopped yet.. heavy wet snow too... hopefully either Aprile or Dana come through with a referral then i'll just go buy the opener itself and get it installed... i cant do the manual door thing all winter thats going to get SUPER annoying...

I read Stephen's post again tonight, its just really good advice, its just hard to execute. Its the whole trusting people enough thing that gets in my way... And I've been thinking about it lately, I know it crosses my mind every so often and this isnt necessarily different but with the whole Trump fiasco and my unwillingness to subject anyone to me what exactly am I doing here? I got tix to HVFF Sept 2017; and i have the premiere package for when code 8 comes out; but man alll the wind that was in my sails last year has evaporated. Aubrey was probaby right saying I was manic and it wasnt anything but. Also you know I hear of people being admitted for stuff and I wonder since I never am does it mean its not as bad for me, I can handle it, if thats true is it real? Wonder that a lot, I've tried to kill myself at times, never got hospitalized. First one got sentenced to multiple sessions a week; another one not sure if its really i just didnt care and i took enough nyquil that day to knock a cow out, which coincidentally i am; regardless just slept for quite a long time but other than that eh; the time I was hospitalized I'd been fired, I'd already been tumbling down the depression road and had made an appt with one of my old shrinks and it was still at the time I carried a bottle of whatever i could get my hands on to check out with should I ever have the need I always had it on me... now I dont think I took anything but I may have, I honestly dont remember and I remember shit; but I do remember the ER and the hospital thinking my BP and heart rate were wonky so maybe I did; but then that was Friday - Sunday I think, could have been thurs night - sunday not sure... anyway that was the only time and I had a report from the asshole of a shrink there who basically chalked everything up to me being a teenager (i was 19) ... also asshole because he fucking WOKE ME UP the first day i was there, in the morning all I wanted to do was sleep... anyway... then a few years ago as evidenced in entries from 2011? I had a serious breakdown again and by all rights probably should have been hospitalized but I wasn't... so maybe its just not as bad or not the same? I dont know... is it real? again questions that i ask myself that never really get answered...