Making myself anxious

Literally, I haven't felt this anxious for a sustained amount of time in a long long while... I ended up going to bed at like 8ish and sleeping almost til noon... and I feel like the anxiety started when I went to sleep, does that even make sense?

The whole new ho insurance policy thing is worrying me... i dont wan tan inspection i dont want people in my house, i do wonder if they can do exterior only... my house is a fucking disaster... I dont even I cant even tell you... maybe its not as bad as I think it is but its pretty damn bad... trust me...like I think maybe I could clean enough but then its overwhelming... and I cant... I just I dont know what to do... and nobody has called to make dinner plans which at this point if they did I"m not sure I'd attend... and I won 2 movie tickets I cant make myself get up and go there, its free damnit...

I just I want it to stop... all of it... and oddly I dont even know what it is anymore... also you know my isolation is pretty much self imposed but its a necessity... besides nobody would stick around if I actually let them in, so why should I bother... history is a teacher... right?

I got the Team Amell hoodie today, have it on actually... it was chilly this morning... and well thats all for that it was nice.... Stephen wrote a holiday post today which was nice and it really did give me a moment of relief and calm but it didnt last long... I just.... I shooed Fenway away so I could write... he was being a good cat and insisting on staying but I needed to vent... and now Trinity is taking the opportunity to stare me down to get me to take her out, rightfully so... so I should go do that... my stomach is a flutter with the anxiety that happens like almost never... its a tad unnerving...