And the hits keep coming

So Debbie Reynolds died now.... seems to have died of a broken heart, reportedly told her son that she wanted to be with Carrie... how sad, for that entire family....

Yet I still have my near annual existential pondering of what the point of me is... I mean why am I actually here? I have no friends, lets be real... I'm at that old dog stage where making friends is a trick I'm never going to master... I have to get that new insurance policy and I'm dragging my heels... I feel like crap... I do wonder... I thought earlier, I'm totally just waiting for Trinity...really how sad its totally easy as that... I love them all but... I dont know how much longer I can sustain me... There's the trope for superheroes that I abide by in that you dont let anyone in... i've said this before, plenty plenty of multitudes of times... and I just cant, even if I did, still dont trust people. I dont really believe there are people who are genuine and would really want to help out of friendship or a selfless kind of thing rather than pity or something else? What 4 days of vacation left? halfway through...

also, what if, what if I"m just a horrible human being and there really is nothing else to it... no mental problems just I'm a shitty human? hmmmm