some thoughts...

ok... some thoughts, i have not called for a pdoc appointment, though i did call for an intake appt at Margaret's new place... they were supposed to call back today... didnt...

also today was okay, better than the past few weeks at least... there was however minimal human interaction required, so that helped... yesterday i told aubrey how i was doing for advice on the whole do i or do i not call pdoc ... and as i was telling her it was like i had to stop because if i go there, what if the gates open and i cant close them again... cant be doing that, not with so much going on.. so i think its all packed away where it belongs again, now whether this is good or bad in the long run who's to say, but there's no point in breaking it down now with so much happening... i have been napping every day though after getting home, so its nice to be able to check out for a few hours and nap

here's the other thing... the question is has it just me being dramatic maybe it was all my period, i mean it was definitely intensified but is it my period that brings it or is it just intensifying whats already there under the surface? those are the questions that are hard to answer... and if i can power though it and get back to this state of okayedness is there really a problem, like really? like i'm ok, right now, i'm not thinking about killing myself or how to or whatnot, i'm not excited about anything but there's nothing overwhelming in my thinking... like last week when i was doing really bad i had my headphones on and you know just squeezed my neck a few times to remind myself... of what i'm not sure but it made me feel betterish to do it... which typing it sounds crazy but whatever