Brief (maybe) musings...

I wonder if the 'normal' people ever experience the not talking to a soul for extended periods of time. As evidenced by my recent string of weekends this is typical for me, outside of work I really dont talk to anyone... its really just group. Which I'm okay with most of the time its just sometimes its a bit much, like the past couple weekends.. I'm back to okay but its still, its still what it is almost. No it is but I dont know the word I want isnt here and I'm failing.

Finshed up that fanfic I started reading ... it was a good story, rooted in real emotion and reaction and how people skilled in the art of pushing people away would really react and think. The ending almost makes me more sad than the rest of the story, the characters reconciling physically. While I get that this is the end game of 99% of fanfic, it was almost disappointing but it wasn't detrimental. Like IMO you can bring the characters back together without going there, as I think that would take longer, or, if that occured there would be a near immediate return to walls. But I digress...

My coworker friend, the one who I work with daily, not the  neighbor one.. she's got a c-section scheduled and its almost like my only real work friend is going away. My neighbor is definitely my friend but there is no premise to interact with her on a daily basis because we work on different teams even though we sit next to each other. The new addition to the team is someone I really like, and would be friends with the thing is, she's remote, in AL. So while we're friends and on the same team and on one project its not the same. Kind of wondering what the next couple months will end up like... since I'm already cut off and the holidays are coming up.. and I've been thinking about not going up to MA for Christmas... i dont know why but I'm kind of miffed by the whole not even making an effort to conintue to pay me back ... i get why I'm not getting paid back, but an effort just an effort would have been better than the nothing. I sent invoices every month until the service decided they wanted a fee which coincidentally coincided with what would have been the final payment on the loan... and I left out from the loan the money I spent flying them to and housing them for my sister's wedding, which I'm only annoyed at because Dad said he wanted to pay me back for that even though I never asked and never expected, because he said it it kind of irritates me now, more because I never got repaid, and it was not a small amount if I'd included that money he'd been looking at close to 10 on the loan less than but close to... i dont know why its bothering me right now, but it is. I need to schedule or rather figure out what I'm doing for christmas... I have what I want to be doing next year settled with the Code 8 premiere and stuff so I'll have things to spend vacation time on.... i still have 6 days left i need to take/schedule. I've taken 4 days this year so far, and scheduled 6 more... i get 3 weeks & 1 day of vacation.... so I'm totally slacking

also I happened upon an article, that I didnt read thoroughly just skimmed through about how writing things down helps... duh, I figured that out a while ago that it helps... anyway this is a much longer musing than I originally intended, even though I did say maybe from the start, still longer... I'm heading to bed...