Another Isolated Weekend

I have literally not spoken to another human being since the 5pm conference call on Friday which I took from home; I don't think people really grasp what that's like and why as much as I'd like to have some interaction I won't and I don't.

1. I don't have friends, plain and simple. People who are the closest to that are not people that I'd invite into my house, purely because I don't want them to see me as more of a loser and weirdo and whatever other negative stereotype you can think of to insert here. I don't like the pitiful eyes, the questions the 'advice'. Human's don't exist in a natural state of altruism, they exist in a natural state of combat.

2. From #1 I don't trust anyone, literally I don't trust anyone. I said this briefly at group last month but I don't trust my family, I don't trust Aubrey and since I don't have friends well thats self explanatory.

3. Never been skilled at interpersonal interaction. I can live in a state of constant cerebral and superficial interaction; but not personal interaction. I'm careful about what I say, is everyone? Or are there people who trust so they're just open. I don't know; and honestly I cant imagine it.

4. If it weren't for the dog and cats I probably wouldn't have spoken a word until I go to work on Monday. Think about that.


Shower Thoughts....


People generally cannot process things themselves, they tend to need to confide in others, work it out talk it through.... one of the reasons for my lack of trust is if I confide in someone I *know* no matter what they say, they will end up telling someone, and I wont know who that is and wouldn't have control over it... unless you cultivate a group its impossible.... also impossible if a group is involved too... so no...