Vacations ending...

Today is my last day of vacation in Texas, tomorrow is a travel day. I'm spending it alone, which usually is fine but on the drive here, to mom's, it seems weird. It's me, but I don't know. Maybe it's the look I know I got from Erica Watchung Arrow yesterday when Thea was telling Oliver he needed to let someone in, I dunno. That show is messing with me, not necessarily a bad thing, it's also weird. Maybe it's the being up thing I don't know. What came first the show or my mood, either way I think they're influencing me.... here's the thing I don't know what to do about it. People kind of terrify me on a personal level. Like I can muddle through in contrived situations, like a party or whatnot. I may be uncomfortable, but sometimes I enjoy it. It never goes further, I don't trust people, it's safer for all involved that way. There it is its safer, that's the trick. Safer isn't always better but it leaves a lot less destruction in its wake. Nobody has expectations, nobody gets hurt, nobody gets their heart broken when I enevitably lose it again. Is always an option for me, the degree of seriousness varies but it's always there. Exposing people to a nuclear core will kill them even if there is no detonation. Radiation leaks anyway, and that slow death is worse isn't it? And here I was having a relatively good day... still am, but thinking is really all there is to do when I'm alone.