Feeling chatty? i know right?

So I kind of feel a bit chatty at the moment, not sure if thats because i got quite literally 4 hours of sleep last night or what but anyway. I actually brought up some of what i posted about the past few days at group, just me and one other person and it was a good group. I like the small ones, and this one was less peeling layers it was more social. Not social but neither of us out of the entire group are social so it was nice. Anyway still doing what i've been doing and i happened upon youtube videos of the Heroes & Villans Fan Fest from San Jose; and based on viewing the Amell Cousins panel with cornhole, Stephen's solo arrow panel and Barrowman's panel it strikes me as less intimidating than say a con.... I could be totally fooling myself and this because i'm in a weirdish mood but I had a real actual thought of going down to Jersey next month for the one at the Meadowlands. I would totally prefer it be here, or even one of the 3 other cities I visit. I dont know why its resonating with me, but it is. Its so incredibly rare. SO rare.. and I want to tell them that but not be creepy but also not come off as insincere either. I have or I perceive my delivery of anything as less sincere than I really am always, perhaps because I cant tell the difference. I dont know... its a strange yet good feeling. Maybe you all have this but is maybe a novelty. Here's the thing too, because of this, it kind of terrifies me that I'd embarrass myself and be some weird emotional (i can hardly believe i'm saying this) fan/wreck because well its so so unusual, i've said this right? If any of you are people who knew me you'd understand. What has Arrow, Stephen Amell & John Barrowman done to me? Regardless, I enjoy the show and my nightly you tube video entertainment. They genuinely care and look like they have quite the good time. Its refreshing and i'm looking for a word and I cant find it, but I admire their personal generosity with their fans. I'm going to try to go to bed at a reasonable hour tonight not after 3am so I'm going to head there... I just thought I'd write it all down whats going through my head see if i could work it out any; and frankly its unusual for me this type of post. Honestly I'm usually super bitchy or depressed arent I?