Blech

I dont know exactly what it is.... is it my period or was this inevitable, i mean i've been having trouble falling asleep again, so I've been having neuro the past few weeks, it helps .... and work i dont know wtf is going on, its so stressful all of a sudden, its like nothing can go right, i want to quit, kinda, i dont know i just dont want to deal with it i want everyone to stop whining and just find a solution that solves the problem, maybe its not what the "vision" was but goddamnit its not magic... I'm getting the feeling that nobody likes me again, just like they tolerate me, i dont know.... i havent been having lunch w/ppl for months, it started out with meetings over lunch because the people in california, anyway i feel myself getting paranoid, also i dont know its like someone said at group do i want to travel or unravel as it may be down the road again, there really is nobody in my life... if i could head it off i'd do it, if i get too depressed i wont... i just i want it to quiet, i want it to stop, also i want for a day to really feel like someone cared, or whatnot i dont.. and i dont believe them if they say it, because most people are liars... especially when it comes to me...