anxiety

ok so i have 10 days until my appointment, and i just i dont know, i know i need help i know i need probably more than 1x/week help but i dont know how i'm going to handle anything else... partial hosptialization is ok but i looked and its a 30 day program... timing of this sucks so bad, what happens if i disappear for 30 days from work during the evaluation period for the new re-org? ugh i dont know plus like i dont know if thats what it should be, am i really that bad? i mean i dont know, i've been able to muddle through... bleh bleh roar... ugh leaving the work up for another half hour to make up for the idiotic move of forgetting the laptop this morning.. yesterday was better, i slept nearly all day woke up for a few hours at 2 then 8-11... the rest of the day was sleep, which is nice... i wish i can find someone who i can really trust and talk to truthfully and hash out my crap... its so hard to find though