being human

just caught up on being human... i like it, and i think i relate to it ... like the last episode commented about how people long for connections, touch... but they dont get it, they cant because when they do people get hurt, how i feel, although i'm not a vampire a werewolf or a ghost, i'm alone, i've alienated myself from everyone for their own good, because i dont have total control, i dont know i still have thoughts, wants to just stop end it i just havnt fallen down the black hole to do anything, and i'm still on the goddamn couch, i swear i was going to clean but i didnt, big suprise huh? i just wish there could be someone a real live human being who i could let in and who would care, and not judge and not snidely comment behind my back or to my face for that matter... just someone, someone i dont actually think exists as much as i would like it to be true, i think i'm alone for the duration, however long that turns out to be...