what an idiot

seriously, i'm just not thinking and why should i really have to make anyone elses life easier? really? plus i really wish i could be committal to something, i dont like therapy never really have and after tuesday's session i really dont want to continue.. and i dont like this middle of nowhereness i am mentally, like i'd rather be like really suicidal... as in having made peace given up and set forth with a plan... instead of this wishy washy crap