thoughts....

I've been thinking, which isnt always a good thing but its hard to not think for me... anyway... i really like need a break from people, i need a break from me... in the morning every morning this week, ive really just wanted to stay in bed... now thats not to say i've hated anything its just i'm so over it all, everything.. and there's so much

like you think, i think, about the scale of things, the scale of time. the scale of knowledge, death, life, the universe etc... is everything really in equilibrium? is there some kind of equilibrium not only to physical being but to conciousness? the questions that will never be answered, and what the point of it all is... i'm struggling, yes, i know i am and i dont know how to fix it, and i dont know if i want to fix it, or if i care to... should i? yes obviously but considering everyone its really best for me not to involve anyone else in my bullshit... i dont know... i just i want an end.... but i'm nearly insatiable in my general curiosity, which frankly has probably kept me alive a time or two... so its weird... i can see potentially a point coming where i'll break and it'll be the end... but i'm curious about things, as above and like my neice and new nephew, i'm curious about how they'll be as adults yet, i dont know if i want to burden them with me... i'm tough to have around... i know i am


onto other things, i've been watching GMM lately, i watched an episode or two intermittently throughout the years but never went down the rabbit hole... i'm firmly in the rabbit hole... and maybe the ones i'd previously watched didnt make me laugh as much as the ones that started me down the hole, but its a decent hole to be in

SA recently like 10min ago finished a quick live video, and its refreshing to hear someone be honest, logical, thinking and human, he's excessively human, i mean that in a good way, or maybe he's not human he's super human because humanity in general is so problematic... the most invasive destructive species on the plant.... i digress... i find his honesty refreshing and wish more people were like that, especially lately...