i wonder

i wonder what it is thats gotten me this far into my life... i've wanted to stop, check out so many more times than people know... and do i start and trust and really work with my shrink? i just i'm afraid that once i open the can of worms that i keep very tightly sealed i'm going to be a walking open wound again and i wont be able to put the top back on... i work pretty damn hard to keep it all inside, let it slide off my back roll off, not get to me... and when stuff does its a speed bump but it doesnt cripple me you know except when it gets too much then it overfloweth and i have to regroup... it takes a lot... i'm afraid, there i said it... oh and i never realized, how good it was that i had friends i saw every day, even if they were mostly work friends...