solitare..

so still playing solitare, new addiction i suppose you could say.. watching a criminal minds rerun about suicides instigated by an online deviant... and its like my brain it... no its not its like i dont know i jump .. and i think oh well its like i still think it'd been better somehow if i could have fallen down that hole and not cared and done something, and i think how my shrink wouldnt have gotten that hence why i dont say anything and i've tried to explain before and i dont think it was articulated properly to make someone understand.. anyway i want to clean the house, i NEED to clean the house but i just i dont know, i'm just a lazy ass.. ugh.. and trinity she's so adorable and sweet and i know i'm not fufilling her the right way she's still little, almost 2, and she should have a yard to run around in and stuff, i dont have that.. and i need to fix up the house and sell it and maybe i could do that but i just think i'm going to be stuck here and i'll just never do that.. i dont know... grr