Its that time of year

Christmas travel starts tomorrow morning, going for a week... kind of ambivalent about going still.

I also have a new ailment hapening I believe, which is in line with family history and my utter lack of caring lately... my  heart goes on thumping sessions, but my heartbeat per my fitbit is still ok, and nothing hurts its kind of similar to a panic attack but muted sorta, its weird. It comes and goes, been here today this morning, annoying me. My BP is a bit high this morning which is likely the cause. GOing to the dr seems a bit like a tail between the legs move but I really should do that when i get back.

Its hot

The two weeks of fall were nice, it seems that Summer is making a resurgence... shall I plug the AC back in its like this the next 10 days, its supposed to be in the 60s tonight, so I'm going to chance it for now...

So whats been happening, my voice is back, bronchitis is gone... though my singing voice has taken some damage and is taking a LONG time to return but it is slowly getting better... S... L... O... W... L... Y...

I have a new laptop... mine has been showing some signs of aging, BSOD twice this year and the battery is also dying... yes I could replace the battery, but the BSOD... I got a new one but good sale configured it was 1189 got it for 835... so I'm pleased with it.

Work has been on and off weird... thats all I"m gong to say about that

My cpap's humidifer stopped working, so i called the company and they no longer sell the model, so they were able to work to get me a new one... the guy is delivering it on Friday... I"m meeting him in the garage, I'd actually rather meet him at work though... I'm seriously considering asking him to do that instead. In the meantime Dad did have  a hunch about the problem after a few text pictures and phonecall... he seems to have been right, the pins were pushed in and not getting a connection. So i finagled them around a bit and voila its working again, i mean its not working 100% like it used to but it is working... so I've been able to get full nights with it since Monday

 I want a change, but I dont but I do... like I'm over this place, I'd really rather something else... but I also cant fathom the amount of work it'd take to fix/sell/move right now.. ugh....

ok thats it, its humid and hot and im seriously considering the hassle of putting the a/c on at midnight

Update: I gave up & turned on the ac an hour later

Fucking lungs

Today started off craptasticly wheezing & heading towards asthma attack, thwarted a full blown attack but damn. My shoulders had started to feel better but they've gotten worse again since I developed a cough. Rough cough, miniscule amount of phlegm thankfully infrequent for the most part but it does my lungs/back no favors. So dull ache between the shoulder blades it is.....

On the plus (?) side I'm exhausted so I shouldn't have the same problem falling asleep that I've had the past few nights....... g'night

Its been a strange week

I don't know its weird... so I spoke with Erica earlier this week, really last weekend but whatever and she's not taking time the first week of July so there is really no reason for me to visit, Ellie's party is 11am saturday which is a day I'd still typically be flying and getting there somewhere between 3&5.. and she's not taking any time off so what am i doing flying saturday and going back sunday? uhh no... moms going to rhians' wedding, which i did momentarily reconsider going to but.. the reason i wasnt going in the first place is the same reason im not going to texas... there is absolutely nothing to do and frankly a weekend trip to MA isnt really i dont know its just wasteful somewhow... so... no summer trips for me this year.... possibly if code8's miami/dallas premieres are rescheduled i'll take the opportunity to go down alone this time...

so we had that convo last weekend about not going n stuff... and this weekend they were going down to port A for the annual weekend/week trip they have... of which i discovered chuckie went down for... now if i knew about it i may have gone i dont know but i wasnt even invited or whatever...

and work... ugh i dont even know anymore... like, i just, i want to i dont even know... thats the problem... and you know everyone hates my personality, love my intelligence but my personality its the dealbreaker every time... i totally get it but i almost dont know why people want to change it... i also dont know why anyone cares... like really

i also want to get rid of all these extra pops so i got a label printer and a postal scale so i can get that ready and i've been stockpiling the boxes from whatever i've had delivered lately... also got a little photo box so i can take pictures and inventory the extra stuff and get them listed... thats not done yet but it will get there ... i hope...

and my lottery winning streak is over, officially... i haven't won in a few weeks and i'm finally hitting into the 500 i won... which its still not losing any money right because its all recycled winnings still but i dont know...

i just, i just want to disappear but thats not the right word, like somehow slowly back away from the stage and into the wings so nobody can see me right... something like that...

just finished black mirror season 5.... that show i do enjoy it... i have something else in my list that somewhere an article described it as batshit crazy but in a good way... which frankly is the best way to describe something so its got me intrigued...

Aggrivation

Work is making me crazy lately, like I think I may want to start looking, but it's such a good setup.... Uhh huh

Also saw the NP  instead of my pdoc on Monday, I liked her may see her again, but I couldn't help but lie. Can't seem too crazy on my first meet with her, plus she did ask me to clarify my answer about if I'd thought about hurting myself when I said not really... I mean I rushed my answer in the context of not caring if I got hit by a bus tomorrow.... Saying yes is sometimes, often even, more problematic than lying.... So unless I'm planned up answer will always err on the side of caution with mostly no.... I mean at least I don't say no & straight up lie right?

I'm actually pretty glad it's a long weekend coming up.....

The grind starts anew tomorrow

Got home at like 1:30ish this morning... long delay in denver, short wind delay then someone blew a tire on the runway and it closed for like an hour at least... I was supposed to land at 10:30 so I figured I'd be home at 11... we landed at 12:30...

I've been thinking today a little that I may have had a better time if I went alone... Aubrey left Saturday afternoon... but as of 4 yesterday Chris hadn't shown up to fix the dryer... apparently she thought he'd be there at 2? I dont know it kind of feels like she left for her... I hate that it feels that way but it does..

I'd like a re-do maybe NYC with people I know from the cons but thats just not logistically possible... also I have no clue as to where Stephen was Friday night, I think I saw everyone except for him... and other people saw him... weird... not that I went looking, I didnt want to leave aubrey alone... kind of another reason I'd have rather gone alone... ugh 😔

Nothing was bad, well the blisters and the bruise were but overall it wasnt a bad trip... its just got a bad after-feel for me..

Last day of vacation, tomorrow is all travel

Here I am once again alone in the last day of vacation. Aubrey dryer broke so she's gotta get it fixed today... So i have some leftovers in the fridge for dinner, I mean staying here isn't an issue i have 2 blisters, one in each pinky that make shoes uncomfortable but I am alone.... It's a theme more often than not maybe I should cut vacation short a day by rule going forward. Code 8 was good, I really want to watch it again to catch what I missed. Didn't see Stephen at all at the afterparty but I did get a pic with Robbie where I wasn't looking at the camera 😳 overall it was a good night. My only regret is not wearing my sneakers, could have lasted longer & probably wouldn't have the blister situation... Ahh well...

Signed an NDA so can't tell you about the movie but it was good, you'll like it.

Last day of 39

Travel day, made it to Cali, Aubrey will be here tomorrow.

Stupid bed here is split slats that fell out when I turned over, so I've banished myself to the couch 😳😞

I also have a dark blue bruise on my arm, I forget what I bumped into. I think it was one of the bathroom stalls

I kind of wish I'd have stayed home.....

busy week

this is going to be a busy week, at least the release this weekend went fairly smoothly

the code8 premiere and my birthday are also this week... and honestly i wish i was more excited about it... i'm just not... i'm even less excited because aubrey wont be there til the afternoon thursday, so i have basically a whole day alone fun.....

this is that thing that i've had to do, to go to, attend... to look forward to.. and its here and i should be more excited, i'm hoping i'll be more excited once it finally happens...

anyway i got a 165 dollar pop in a mystery box today, i just wish it was one i collected, oh well... i should sell something on ebay or whatever.. got two last mystery boxes that should be here when i return, then the mystery box april will be over, i decided thats what it was ... also i won 500 on a fast play scratch ticket thing... so that was cool

taking the devs to lunch tomorrow and then i'm off... i wish i was more excited though....

Tired

I'm just tired.... 2wks til the premiere/vacation/birthday..... I wish I were more excited....

Also I've realized there is 20years of this here, yes there was a huge break but oldest to newest is over 20 years.... I've gotten nowhere

its weird how it happens

Its weird how it creeps up on you and then in you, then it starts to envelop you and threaten to swallow you

I've been feeling kinda crappy, and work is not , well work i think is part of the problem right now. Teams got jiggered around again... and back with the 'old' team but its like the first conversation i had was well how long do you think we should keep this, is it really good can we just make it ourselves and get rid of it... its like not even an attempt to see how it works or what the new features are, its overwhelmingly like its here but we're going to get rid of it and its like i dont know why i should care... also they want to change my job again... put me in dev... which i have a skillset for but i dont have a desire to do... i liked this job but i dont know the new structure doesnt see a need for the position so i almost feel like quitting, going to the premiere then tapping out... there really isnt anything... nobody is coming on the trip anymore even after it was their ideas, and one is totally understandable the other is just a lack of courtesy

i was pretty okay when i saw margaret on the 9th... and 10 days later not so much.. i just want to crawl in a hole and hide.... let me hide

Bleh

You know how sometimes you've been ok and then you aren't quite and aren't sure where that's leading..... I have shit to do damnit

Edit: first post of 2019 & no holiday updates!?!?!?