9 Days away

There are moments where I think about what I'm doing and it scares me shitless for a few seconds... by myself... driving (which isnt the issue) .. and the entirety of the attendees (the issue) which are complete strangers.... I mean as much as I follow SA & JB they're really essentially strangers... deep breath....

Weekends, alone

I spend nearly every weekend alone, every now and then its just almost too much and I wonder why.... but I have a vacation to do, people to meet... a niece arriving soon, but life alone... its lonely....

12am: I walked by the door, there was a breeze I really wish it were raining, sitting on the deck in the rain seems like it'd be an excellent idea right now.... i hope this passes before my vacation.... i really do

Another Summer weekend

Its hot, but not as humid as predicted, so no a/c this weekend.... I'm at home alone again... this is clearly why early summer seems to be the worst for me in terms of mood historically... which I know is weird but I'm weird.

I used to like summer, but not really... I didn't really enjoy certain aspects like those years we went to the Y or such... I liked Center Stage and I liked being a beach bum at Gram's pool... but with the exception of Center Stage, summer was always alone for me.... there were relatively no contact with anyone from school during the summer, no cultivation of whatever friendships I had... this seems to be a trait I continue summer or not....

I'm going to HVFF... one of the girls who runs a twitter account I follow told me that I only walk in the doors alone and I'd be surprised at the friends I'd make when you talk to people... well this may be true... that that is something that I dont excel at, talking to strangers and making friends... but I did finish up letters to both JB and SA, they're okay not sure they're exactly what I'd like to say, I mean I'm not sure they completely convey what I want to say, they're close but there's just something....

I have maybe 4 more days with only 1 HA, since my other one went in for repair... I went to see my audiologist on Tuesday because the left one was like delayed when changing programs.. and it was just weird... also I wanted her to swap the order of the programs so I wouldn't have to thus eliminating the issue... but there is an issue with the left one.. she thinks one mic is out and something might be loose which is causing the syncing issue... said it should take a week to fix... so giving a day for delivery that'd be Wednesday... it is really strange with only one of these in... there are certain places its weirder than others, those are mostly where there is reverb and echo, like the stairwell at work or the ladies room... I catch myself poking my ear to push the missing aid back in.. but its not there...

In sports news... I'm firmly in the Pens camp for the Stanley Cup, seriously I forgot how fun it can be to watch hockey... its like my 3rd tier sport in order of importance, so basically that means I watch if either the Bruins or Pens are in the playoffs/finals... otherwise its generally not in my sphere of consciousness... hopefully we win tomorrow!!

Summer has arrived

So last weekend was Memorial day... I ended up having to get a new computer... why you ask? my laptop's HD died... literally 17 days after the warranty expired... sonofa'

Also its hot... well not hot it was hot and muggy last weekend and i broke down and used the a/c twice... so lost on my July 1st goal...

I had wicked, and i mean wicked insomnia over the weekend, i literally slept 3 hours sunday night.... and like 4 hours saturday night, so it was awesome... i had some neuro monday night and got almost 5 hrs but i was more tired monday than all weekend, go figure

Spent the weekend alone, as per usual... nobody was around... i know, i know.. but the one person i'd have hung out with had plans.... so what did i do? I built a website lol... yes i'm a nerd/geek whatever you want to call me thats me... and frankly i'm more comfortable with that now than i have ever been... still not comfortable with people asking me a question and someone saying she wont know the answer and the person asking me turns to them and says, she knows everything, she'll have an answer.. that i'm definitely not comfortable with still...

The other thing i did this weekend, i now have a ticket to the Nocking Point party and yes I'm still going to HVFF... still a twinge nervous but I'll go.. go the oil changed today for the trip, yes i'm still driving.. yes i'm crazy... but eh...In addition since I'm going to the wine mixer i figured I'd do homework to see if there was a wine i'd like... still dont like red... i bought an arbor mist pinot which i liked, still dont understand people who say wine is refreshing, water or iced tea is refreshing, not sure about wine... my sister was impressed though she said i should try a rose ok... but the pinot is like a full bottle and i've had 2 glasses... it'll take me time to finish that.. so i got baby white zin's they count as rose right? i'm not sold on those....

I think I may actually go see turtles this weekend, supposedly its a fun movie... and SA is in it, so there's that if nothing else... and i like the turtles, the cartoons were my thing when i was younger... the live action movies looked dumb so i never saw those, i think seeing mario brothers just ended me with seeing cartoon/comic movies in the early 90s... and dad owned a video store i coulda seen it whenever..

Anything else to report? oh yeah i replaced my lost zip with a charge HR and a one,.. both together 2nd hand were cheaper than either new... or even the HR 2nd hand... so it worked out....

Its been nice, i kind of want a tan this summer.. its been a long time since i've gotten a proper tan... i wonder if i can even do it anymore lol... i'm such a hermit... speaking of if there are no tstorms tomorrow i may go to the meetup at my neighbors.... if there are tstorms though i may brave opening weekend in the rain to see turtles then....

oh that website i built? its arrowflashbacks.us  I did S4 because I really liked the flashbacks when i cut them all together, they didnt work as well within the bigger season's context but stand alone they were good... so its like a little love letter since they were maligned... i started S3 but thats way more disjointed and harder to figure out the time on... but i took notes and i'll try... i got graphics done for it... if you want to see s4 its arrowflashbacks.us/s4/

ok... signing off... its hot espeically with the laptop on my lap....