To turn on the heat or not to turn on the heat

Yes my titles are becoming more random, but that's more because I don't want to be repetitive...

Windchills are supposed to be in the teens with the dreaded S word in the forecast tomorrow night.... supposed to be 60 on monday so I *could* tough it out.. but its cold and rainy today and I'm considering caving on my rule of heat off on 4/1 and doesn't go on before 11/1  because that's the rules... we'll see what the weathers like tomorrow before I actually commit to a decision

I read something today, old post by Wentworth Miller, but its a good one overall. There is a passage about how saying self affirming, good speak to yourself can feel empty and just be words. Generally that's how I feel on any kind of talk yourself into it... just say it and you'll believe it type stuff. Honestly, I still do, good advice or not I'm not totally sure I'm sold on the idea, no matter how often a variation has been brought up over the past 28 or so years I've been in therapy of some form or another. But why am I telling you this when I thought its a good post, well its because to just be words with no energy, passion etc is well applicable to just about everything. Self-care or care in general isnt something I'd necessarily ascribe to myself in any form. Generally I don't care, and yes thats intended to be a blanket statement. The measure of which things effect me, emotionally that is, is infinitesimally small, an emotional shell is a fairly apt description. See no matter the energy level, like I had earlier or the lackthereof a month ago or the relative okay ness of right now... caring real actual put yourself into it and feel it caring is not what I do. I mean I care, but i dont Care... if that makes sense. Possibly I'm making it sound worse than it is... or maybe not, the thing is I dont really know. A gauge or having actual emotions to put into a gauge is something I've well crafted and aversion to. I suppose I've gotten somewhat better on what I feel, but I don't know belief in the feeling I'm still unclear on. Again not sure if that makes much sense.