muggy

I just came in from 5min out on the deck in the dark on a wet seat.... I'm getting a new cat tomorrow, I wonder if its right... I mean, I .. whats wrong with me? I went to dinner w/coworkers yesterday, it was nice.. i told lisa I'd take the cat, spontaneous, now I wonder if fenway will get along with him, what trinity will be like, and we all know my house is a disaster... is it right to take him? I want to disappear. Just watched project almanac, not a terrible movie but not really a good movie... I want, i want to be able to get out of where i'm stuck, the toilet ran again last night for 2hrs before i figured it out, and water again, this place will need to be gutted, its like, i want to just i dont know, i was okay and tonight i dont know, i mean i've been pretty much non-stop this week, stayed home on monday since i was exhausted, and just generally didnt feel good, did a WFH but like its non-stop, stressful, i take it personally like its me, i dont think anyone thinks that but me, but i do.... how do i say what i'm really thinking at group? like i'm "ok" usually at group, like i can shut it all off and just listen, but i cant, right, i cant keep doing that, but i dont want anyone worried i dont want anyone hurt... sometimes i wonder if what i think is real or if its just all made up and i can shut it off and ignore it and like magic i wont think it, or i dont know something..