...

there are days when i wish i was capable of trusting people enough to form legitimate friendships anymore, but i'm not so sure thats possible at this juncture... i have to weigh everything very carefully so as to not hurt other people... i want people to care but i dont want them to misplace their faith or anything so they shouldnt care in the first place, at some point i'll disappoint.. and disappointment hurts whether you know it was coming or not... also i wish i could trust that people would be there for me and help and not judge, but its human nature to judge and once a judgement is made its historically difficult to change in the long run... i wish i had your ambition and faith and trust in others, i just dont... i wish there were someone out there that could be a friend in a genuine manner but i dont think that really exists, not how i'd like it and the sad thing is i know its unrealistic of me but thats how it is...