so... these titles are creative huh

so, i saw him saturday.. i decided to go to the new office to see him ... i'm still kind of annoyed, he kept wanting to talk about it but i didnt, nope i'm annoyed thats the end of it seriously, i know i know he made sense and all explainign but as i said didnt make me any less annoyed about the situation

at least the appt is saturday, so i can figure out where this is and get some change, on street metered parking, yay i get to spend some more money how fun!

what else went on? i bought these days on itunes cuz i cant find it damnit, i hate buying shit i already own but i kinda needed it, weird, its kinda i dunno its like a musical security blanket comforting thing, which sounds completely crazy if you know the songs on the album... but whatever i am crazy right?

thats another thing i need to deal with i think, my complete lack of wanting to do meds again, i want to avoid it with a passion but i dont know i'm alittle clearer now which is good but somehow it makes me think i shouldnt have blown it off... i dunno, but its such a bitch to start them, i'm like a friggin zombie for nearly a week.. we shall see about that huh

still dunno

well i still have no clue what i'm going to do tomorrow... i was a bit irritable today too about it closer it got to end of the day etc... whatever... i just dont know, tried to call erica but she was out didnt want to ruin her night... called aubs, but she was basically busy, vented a bit but she wasnt listening she's got the kids anyway regardless, why do i do this?

3x

how , ROAR!! wtf? not that anyone is reading or knows what im referring to but damn, my shrink is leaving his practice and going to private practice, which is okay but this is the 3rd one i've had that does this and frankly why is it that literally like the 3 that i've ever been okay with and not felt they were complete idiots decide to leave huh? what is up with that.... so he leaves me a vm today saying i may have gotten a letter he's leaving the group practice, well i hadnt til i got home cuz i didnt grab the mail yesterday, anyway.. so he's got this flagrantly self promotional website and his new office has no parking, lovely, i hate on street metered crapola parking seriously it is crap sucks blah phooey... so goddamn and he's given NO NOTICE, he's leaving the practice uhh MONDAY hello!!! at least i got a few weeks notice from the others, you'd think he'd have done that my god, what grr whatever!

so i'm sitting here deciding, i hate, no i detest switching shrinks, frankly i'd rather stop all together and fuck it at this point, who cares anyway? i mean i dont even know what to do about this, my next and potentially last appt is saturday... i think i'll go with last, wtf... yeah besides he's decided that if i lose weight i'll be perfectly fine, right thats it ... now that i think about it he's just being self promotional garbage crap, i mean he's got a psyco babble weight loss book being published, what .. i'm so annoyed SO ANNOYED... okay so its at least less $$ out of my pocket right? no copay.. right ? im actually now glad yup glad i avoided calling the shrinker for a med appt right no need to now right goddamn that stupid website of his just made me mad.. i dont even know if i want to go saturday... seriously i dont even know... no i think i'm done i'm done

i sound wishy washy... but seriously, okay we'll start living on the denial path that i'm okay all the time fine, awesome no issues, no problems... yep i'm going to go drive around in my head and see if i can find that road again.. i've seen it a few times and traveled it a few times, yep it usually kicks me off but and it did recently but hey why would someone take back a paitent if they KNEW they were leaving in oh 2 months? seriously?! thats just unprofessional i swear!

i'm just going to keep saying the same shit over and over because i'm freaking annoyed.. so i'm ending now

ridiculousness

so, release is nearing and my project is well damn ridiculous this week... i swear developers they get duller the closer it is to a release, yet i still find stuff...

...

so i worked today, very exciting let me tell you... frustrating, something was messed up although i cant pin point what it was...

came home, slept, watched hollywood land, good movie... watched L&O... now i'm wasting away up here on my computer

no plans for tomorrow either, just wasting away again... fairly experienced at this you know.. i'm just tired, overall, tired, no real emotion now, just tired... too bad i didnt get that ticket a few weeks ago i'd have had a reaction, i may have just tried, that could have put me over the edge... alas i was up for almost two weeks now look at me, tired, tired sad, pathetic tired... yep

lazy

so, i didnt go to work today, slept, and slept again, then went to the grocery store and came back... exciting life i lead... probably will go tomorrow even though its going to snow

ty is being annoying at this moment, why cant they just shuddup sometimes sheesh

so...

its early so i feel somewhat obligated to post again .. i think i'm going to work tomorrow and saturday too... yes i'm nuts i know but eh what can i say

also i still dont know... i'd rather all or nothing and my preference is still nothing... not like it was a few weeks ago but still nothing... nothing changes everything stays the same and everything changes and nothing stays the same all at the same time

Embarking again, maybe

So, I was thinking today that maybe my journal/blog whatnot that I used to have had some purpose and maybe it would be good to have one again... so here it is.. not that anyone is going to read it but its my private emotional repository... yup private yet public huh?

if anyone knows the reference to the original emotional repository on the web ages and ages ago well it was at one point a fairly safe place to just let go so hopefully i'll be able to do that again...

thats all for now.. we'll see how this goes... oh and i'm not going to be fancy just a place to house my thoughts