weird

i've actually had kind of a weird week... yes i went to TX on vacation, yes I had a good vacation... today I finally went to Kim's cookout thing and yes I enjoyed it... but in the back of my head throughout it all I wonder if I'm being so agreeable to it all just because I'm not totally entirely sure I wont check out of it all... like I wonder and I dont know the answer

I left Erica the book of mythicality and a note, and I feel like maybe I could freak her out but I dont know that she's found it.. and I didnt mean it like that, but I also didn't not mean it like that... sorta... and the weird part of it all is I'm reasonably okay, its just the nagging thought and the bottoming out in the pit of my stomach when I think about fixing shit that just it doesnt really leave...