so... I got a promotion

its weird, i still need to ask about details because the job i'm promoted to is a pay grade up and it was more of an FYI meeting that I had thursday... so umm that happened...

its also weird how in the midst of all my shit i get a promotion, admittedly i do feel a bit better... i still have shit to fix that isnt done but feeling okay right now is better than not, anything is better than not right?

group last week was odd, like she's trying a "lesson plan" so we listen to some podcasty lesson for 10min and it become the theme of the group, which is okay... i dont know its weird though, everything is weird

hvff is looking like a bust this year, SA cant make it gave ample notice thats fine... i'm more annoyed that they've had several cancellations and moved to a 'bigger better' venue which is in the middle of nowhere so there are not other things one could do and there's no NP party... i dont know if i want to go.. like i should and stuff but its not appealing right now... and its only a month away basically... not good

New week

New week, aka it's 1:30am Monday.... Been meaning to say something but I've been busy distracting myself from reality. Which isn't a bad strategy per se, it's an effective one and it allows me to breathe. I'm okay but there's something that is just off somehow and I can't out my finger on it.

weird

i've actually had kind of a weird week... yes i went to TX on vacation, yes I had a good vacation... today I finally went to Kim's cookout thing and yes I enjoyed it... but in the back of my head throughout it all I wonder if I'm being so agreeable to it all just because I'm not totally entirely sure I wont check out of it all... like I wonder and I dont know the answer

I left Erica the book of mythicality and a note, and I feel like maybe I could freak her out but I dont know that she's found it.. and I didnt mean it like that, but I also didn't not mean it like that... sorta... and the weird part of it all is I'm reasonably okay, its just the nagging thought and the bottoming out in the pit of my stomach when I think about fixing shit that just it doesnt really leave...

home from vacation

home from vacation... vacation was good, nothing special but a good break... met ryder... ellie is adorable still... and my house is still a disaster... my stomach drops just thinking about having to fix the hvac fan i just dont know what to do.... i mean i know i need to but i dont know how i'm going to go about it... so many terrible/worst case scenarios in my brain