3am, again

Another night this week where I cannot fall asleep, its 3am again. Last night I couldn't sleep and at 3am I woke Trinity up for a walk around the block, it was nice dark, no distractions to get trinity in a tizzy...

This week I've really not been able to fall asleep very well.. I've been thinking about group on Monday.. they want me to feel, or show them that I do or how I feel, its frustrating and confusing. Because its all cerebral, intellectual right now, its not very organic or feely how I am. And its somewhat ironic since I wrote last month about this very thing. I've been thinking about printing that out and bringing it... its all I dont want to lose control, really when I'm all feely I dont feel in control, i've got mood swings and a temper and thats all nicely under wraps at the moment, for the most part. Except for those occasional days alone at home where I let it tip over and I cry, which still is rare anyway.

Also today is my last day of being unemployed, after 215 days I start a new job on Monday. I'm somewhat anxious about it but not too bad, I kind of want to get it over with already so I know what its like.

Anyway about the feeliness or lack thereof, I was thinking maybe music could help. Like those songs that I listen to that have meaning, the ones that I used to be able to react to and still can occasionally, but still as with crying rarely.

I'm also hoping that putting this all together will get it out of my mind so I can fall asleep this time.. What else is rattling around? I finished BSG, after a year break from season 1 to the rest of the series, I really like it and I'm somewhat bummed that I didn't have syfy on my cable package when it first came out but marathon watching it in masse may have been better, dunno, anyway I like it. I watched Caprica too, it took forever to find its way, but it did in the last 3 episodes, unfortunately that show was cancelled. So just one season, the teasing in the season/series finale and whatever morsels you can find online about the arc for season 2. Also perhaps having watched these things lately and catching Extant (yawn) I'm wondering about the reality of cylons, artificial intelligence etc, its seeming more tangible. I'm not talking skin jobs or anything, though thats basically extant's stand, but fully mechanical. Anyway its scary, interesting and creepy all at the same time, but i'm curious and interested, you know me.

Trinity cracked a nail, she's kujo about getting her nails clipped, I've gotten one nail done since her vet's appointment back in February, she needs them cut. When I take her in (hopefully some weekend after I receive a first paycheck or two) I'm going to agree to let them tranquilize her so they can get her nails set up correctly. I made a doggie emery board this weekend for maintenance I"m hoping thats going to work, we did a trial run and it seems like it will work, which is great!

There are 29 hours until I start my new job, I need to sleep normally or close to normally tomorrow night. I bought some neuro sleep I'm hoping that'll help some. It has before. Now to try to sleep again now... wish me luck!