WTF?

I've been sitting here for a better part of the last hour just crying... listening to music, cathartic... like when i used to get depressed in college lock myself in my room and just listen and cry try to drive out whatever it is... you know shit like that is ok when your 15 but damnit i'm not 15 anymore i want to give it back, take it away... i want it to be that its all in my head and if i could just get it together enough i'd be fine... and i wish meds would make it all go away just not lessen the blow because i can tell... i can tell when i'm depressed and when i'm getting depressed but i cant stop the train from rolling in... i just need it to stop i need it to not happen...