been a while

its been a while, i'd been feeling good and havn't really had the need to post and get some thoughts out...

its funny how a comment or the interruption of my schedule really effects me... like 3 day weekends they are horrible ... its weird... and i went to work and didnt work that saturday and took 3 days off and one of the girls i work with picked up on the fact that i was proud of myself for not coming into work on saturday and she said that i shouldnt be proud of that its the weekend... and that i need to get a life and get out there...

yes she's right but i dont really know what it is that holds me back, i dont really know why i'm soooo horrible at the self motivation... or self promotion for that matter.

another thing i think that has really f'd with me is that i took the bus from my house thurs/friday resulting in me being late for work but finishing a book, while i liked finishing the book screwing up my schedule has really messed with me i think...

and i didnt have an appointment today but i was feeling good so i thought i'd go 2 weeks ... plus now my $$ is all f'd up again, stupid bank and the stupid overdraft fees and the way they do shit has cost me $400 over the past 2 months... how f'd up is that?

and i'd been chatting with a guy online and on the phone for maybe a month or so and finally got around to sending him my pics and assumed he'd gone awol because of them, when in reality it was because he had knee surgery... and i sent him one of my emails that i inevitably end up sending, self flagellating myself and apologizing etc i dont know...

and now erica wants me to go to tx for thanksgiving... i dont know about that either..

you know i wish i could have friends again but i dont know how to act.. i dont know if i actually trust people..