depression is a weird animal

depression is a weird animal... often its the innocuous things that give me a twinge of it... other times its a slow descent as it was a few months ago... today has been a weird day.... trinity woke me up and wanted to eat at weekday time not weekend time, and i couldn't go back to sleep; so i went to eat n park for a omelette, and came home... then i did pretty much nothing, i recreated the gigantic eclectic playlist i'd started on google and transferred it to amazon, since that is something i wont pause, i'll pause youtube/google there's not enough content, or maybe i wont its only $12...

and work so i cant get the guts to ask about $$ i did confirm that i have the position and not the job; and the job is a pay grade up so at minimum my bonus should be bigger... i have to do my midyear review stuff by EOM too...

i simultaneously want peace and some help... but there just isn't a scenario where anyone who could help would continue or see me the same afterwards... as matt said once normal people just don't live like me... and i've had a few waves of bad since then..... i kind of want to escape and run away at times, but i wont and i do like my job so.... as much as i can complain about it the good outweighs the bad and i think the new position has the potential to reinvigorate me since its a more strategic position than a delivery position... which is Solution Owner or Solutions Manager.... TFS goes with the former, but the titles are interchangeable... which is apparently a potential benefit to not tack on the manager title when i dont manage others... the one thing i'm somewhat nervous about is my boss wants to start involving me in the hiring process.... that doesnt feel like me...