its the holidays

its the holidays and once again i am alone, by my own decisions.. and while i prefer it in some aspects i'm still alone... i wish i'd had some company tonight but it didnt pan out, and now i'm not sure i'll have any tomorrow or sunday... i hate having this many days alone

hey again

today was, semi-miserable, the weather was terrible... and i worked from home, which is okay but today i just feel alone... no texts from matt yet today, but its his first day off this week really and it was a miserable day i suspect he's slept most of the day... its days like these i wish i had more than one friend

matthew..

you are extraordinarily special to me, you are the only person in my life who is caring and reciprocal and considers me and my health and my feelings... i am so grateful that you are in my life.. and i dont know if you know how special you are as a human, you look to help people, at work, at home, online and i've not really heard an unkind word from you, not that i'm so naieve to think that you've never said anything but i respect the fact that we've known each other for as long as we have already and not once have you ever said anything remotely unkind.

i care about you, and you probably dont know how rare that is for me to care about someone but it is, i dont allow myself to care about people but you won me over and i do

your ability to accept people as they are is extraordinary, you are one in a million, literally